I'll Still Bless You
2020 yeah….
What do I even say? Where do I begin?
This year has been…different. Very, very different. And I think it’s really something that we shouldn’t gloss over. 2020 has been filled with so much uncertainty, so much hurt, consistent loss and grief, and so much more. And what makes it even crazier is that we’ve all been hit in some way, shape, or form.
I, along with so many others, had such big dreams for 2020! So many big dreams and plans for this new year. January, I was in South Africa. February, I was truly living my best life. And then March hit, and that’s when everything turned upside down. You know, what’s really interesting about this pandemic, is that I remember having a conversation with a group of people (in January), and my friend’s friend was talking about her fear of traveling (in the summer) because she heard about a virus in China. And we all told her that there really was nothing to worry about. And now look at where we are today.
I couldn’t have predicted this global pandemic, but as I reflect, I see how God gave me signs of how this year would not be like any other I have experienced. Have you ever been in prayer and you hear a phrase or a word so clearly? I remember when I was praying for my new year, I heard the word “death”. While everyone was saying this is a year of vision, a year of clarity, I was hearing “death”. I was like “uh, maybe my hearing is off. Holy Spirit, run that back.” But nope, what I heard was correct. And it’s funny because when I heard it, I immediately thought this had something to do with my family. Little did I know, there was something else. And when Kobe Bryant, Gianna, and the others died in that plane crash, I believe that was a bit of a wake-up call for me. I remember feeling so much sadness because such amazing people lost their lives, at such a young age. And then in February, Pop Smoke died. And that hit me hard as well because he was younger than me. He seemed like someone who just wanted to enjoy life, but his was cut short. And as this year went on, we lost more people. When I would look at the COVID numbers increasing on the news, I remembered what I heard during my prayer. When George Floyd died, I remembered the word. When people were killed at the Lekki Toll Gate, again, it came back to me. I just didn’t understand it. And today, I still don’t get it at all. There are so many possible answers to the question, “Why?” but am I even ready for what the answer actually is? I don’t think so and I’m guessing that’s why God hasn’t answered it. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
One thing I can say is that even in the midst of the loss and the pain, God has been, still is, and forever will be good! Even though so many negative things have transpired throughout 2020, God still showed up and showed out in my life. And for that, I am forever grateful. It’s in times like these, I am reminded that He genuinely never leaves nor forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He cares about, and even delights in, every detail of our lives (Psalm 37:23). He has good plans for our futures (Jeremiah 29:11). I often think about how we read about those before us, who experienced so many hardships and trials having so much less than we do today, and they’re still able to sing the praises of our God in the end. I am grateful for our cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1) that we can look to, that cheer us on and motivate us to keep going, and to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). Because even when it seems like we’re going through something that no one has ever witnessed before, we have evidence that we’re not alone in our struggles. And it’s not easy at all to experience one thing after another, after another, and find the strength to say in the end that God is still good. Sometimes, we have to just, as Todd Galberth says, “declare it from a hard place” because everything around you literally screams the opposite. But sometimes, that’s all we can do. This is how we encourage ourselves in the Lord (1 Samuel 30:6).
This year, Maverick City released Promises. And I love that song for many reasons. I love songs that speak about the faithfulness of God. Ones that remind us that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. This song literally shows us that from the beginning, God will do what He says He will do and will prove Himself to us, in our lives. There’s a part of the song when they’re just flowing (*screams* It’s the spontaneity for me!) and Naomi repeats, “I’ll still bless You”. And for me, that’s such a huge declaration, especially when I think about how this year has been. As I reflect on this year, I have tried to do my best to acknowledge the good, without dismissing the bad. And this line does just that. It’s one that doesn’t pretend that everything is okay even when it’s not, it’s one that says, even though life is life-ing I will still bless the name of the One who is keeping me.
I believe there’s power in acknowledging your situation for what it is. I don’t think it means you have no faith or no hope for things to turn around, but it displays honesty and gives you the ability to move past it. I think it’s okay to say that 2020 has been (one of) the worst year (s) of your life. I think it’s okay to say that you’ve experienced the most losses and the lowest valleys this year. I don’t think God is offended by it one bit. At the same time, I don’t think you should stop there. While it’s good to recognize the lows, we should also take time to remember the highs. The fact that you’re even here reading this right now is a blessing in itself; you can decide if it’s big or small. To prepare for the next year, I believe there’s a habit we all have to adapt and it’s looking at our situations as a whole. Because sometimes when we focus on one thing, we end up focusing on the wrong thing. When you hear both sides to a story, then you can make a conclusion. When you read a book from start to end, then you can see better what the author wants you to understand. When you’re able to think about your situations in their entirety, you gain more clarity. You tap into your faith. You’re able to minimize the negative impact something can have in your life because you’re reminding yourself of your great God!
This year had been peaks, valleys, plateaus, hills, deserts, and everything in between. I thank God for all of the lessons I’ve learned, the things I’ve heard, seen, and read. I think that my biggest prayer for this year is that I don’t miss it. I know that 2020 was a year where God wanted to show us something and I really pray that as we move on, that I shake off the unnecessary weight and hold tightly to what I was entrusted with. I hope you do the same. Many of you have told me about the wonderful things you’ve gained in these last few months, and my prayer for you is that you remember them, so when you move into the next season of your life they remain. Let them not just be “2020 lessons”, but things you hold onto for the rest of your life.
I have no idea what 2021 holds but praise God I know the One who does. I am walking with Him, hand in hand, ready to go where He leads. And I hope the same for you as well.
Thank you so much for your love this year. Thank you for sticking with me and believing in AVFH even I may not have. I am grateful to you, even if this is your first time here. You are part of an answered prayer. I can’t wait to see what God does for us in 2021 and I’m expectant to see how He will exceed our expectations!
Much love always,
Kumam 🧡
RIP to the ones that we’ve lost this year. May God comfort you who have lost someone or something this year, no matter how small. I pray God fills you up with His love and restores you in a way only He can ❤️