2021: How Was the Ride?

We’ve made it to the last day of the year. Whew. This 2021 has been the wooden rollercoaster I always avoid in theme parks. Or maybe the drop tower ride. Yeah…2021 has been a big drop tower ride.

The beginning was pretty. The views were beautiful. I saw many things from the top. I couldn’t recognize what it all was from my point of view, but I knew that when I would touch the ground again, I would be able to walk around the park. This year, I went through a lot of downs and ups. There were times where the only thing I could do was close my eyes when I felt that drop in my stomach. There were times when things went well and I could breathe again and enjoy the view. But sometimes the ups and downs were so quick that I wanted nothing more than to get off the ride.

One thing I can say is that I managed to listen to the instructions given to me before the ride began. Although I had a lot of mixed feelings going into this year, I still decided to commit. There were things I wanted out of 2021, so I strapped on my seatbelt and hoped for the best. And that was just the beginning.

You know those restraints that you hold to protect you from falling off the rollercoaster? This was me holding onto my faith this year. At first, I would hold onto it gently. We were moving slowly, not too far from the ground. Things are okay. God and I? Good. Faith and I? Good. Jireh, You are what? Enough (purr). But the higher we went, the tighter my grip became. All rollercoasters have drops, but for some people, you never really get used to them no matter how many times you’ve been on one.

When you finally get to a certain height, suddenly, it happens: the big drop. For me it was scary, it even made me scream. Why did things need to be this way? Why did it feel like my stomach was climbing up chest? Why did I commit to this ride?! I am an overthinker, but in this moment, my mind was going at Shelly-Ann speed. While I did say yes to getting on, I don’t think I realized how big that drop was or even how much I’d feel it. It really took me by surprise. Sometimes we know bad things are coming out way, but the knowledge doesn’t always alleviate the pain. That’s just how life goes. And that’s something I’m learning to be okay with because you don’t stay in that space forever.

But we went up again,

and I think I was just glad to not have that feeling in my stomach anymore. I was relieved that I could breathe again.

Much happened in between. Some things are no longer worth talking about (s/o to God) and some we simply don’t remember (stress can do that you know). But I knew we don’t go in one direction forever. So I knew we were going down again, so I braced myself for whatever was coming.

But when we got to our last drop? Much to my surprise, the last time going down wasn’t as bad. At first, it was fast but at some point, we slowed down and eventually made it back to the ground.

As I leave this ride, I don’t think I would ever like to go on it ever again. It very much feels like one of those things you can experience once and that’s really all you need. As I’m packing my belongings from the cubby and thinking about what I just experienced so I can give my review to my friends, my conclusion is this:

2021 was interesting, to say the least. As a country, as an individual, in relationships, we went through it. I can’t lie to you, it’s not what I thought it was going to be, but at the same time, I didn’t really know what to expect. While I experienced a lot of sadness, had a lot of questions, and at times felt like giving up, I also experienced a lot of joy, witnessed and lived in answered prayers, and had new experiences.

Something I really internalized this year is how multiple things can be true at one time. It’s okay if I commit to something and don’t fully enjoy the experience 100%, even if it’s something I prayed for. He knows that even when I’m not my happiest with Him that I still love Him. I know that He does have great plans for me and sometimes my plans are good too, but not what’s best for me. I also know that my feelings are valid and His Word is also true and at some point they will align. These dual feelings that can be points of tension are just what it means to be a child of God. Because we’re in relationship with God and he knows us, He knows that these things will happen. And He’s not offended by it. I believe that God appreciates our vulnerability, no matter how ugly it can get. In these times, He offers us grace. And His grace does not run out.

It has been the kind of year where I’ve experienced my own “And if not, He is still good” moments (Daniel 3:18). While the hardships were hardshipping and life was life-ing, I can still look back on this year and see where God showed Himself as faithful. I hope you can too. Cheers to us for making it through this crazy ride and being on the ground again. I am going into 2022 unsure of what it will bring and hoping that it’s more of It’s a Small World kind of ride.

I pray that your 2022 is filled with love, answered prayers, peace, and lots of enjoyment!

Much love,

Kumam 💜