New Year, New Wine
Hello (again?)! I don’t know if this will be my first or second post of 2020. We’ll see how it works out. But hey Family! It feels so good to be writing to you at 1:46 AM. It’s taken some time to get here, but I’m glad to be here in this moment with you. I’m currently rewriting this post. I started a few weeks ago but didn’t really enjoy the direction it was taking, so I took a break. Then I had trouble accessing all my G Suite stuff. Whew. A time. But we here, so we move!
Happy New Year (again?)! I am so so so so so so excited for what’s in store for 2020. It’s already been off to a great start. God has already given me so many opportunities this year, and we’re only getting to the end of the 3-year month that we call January. SN: Why does January always feel like you experience the whole year in the space of its 31 days?
Anyways, I began 2020 in the lovely country of South Africa, Cape Town to be exact. This trip was such a God-sized dream, to me, from the minute I signed up. I completed my application just in time and I remember seeing the price and telling God, “I know that you want me to go on this trip, so I know you will provide what I need to be there.” And He did. In absolutely crazy ways. But 5 short months later, thanks to the prayers and support of people around me and God’s overwhelming grace, I was on my way to Cape Town!
Now right before this trip, I was going through a very weird phase in my relationship with God, and I don’t know how exactly to explain it but it just wasn’t my norm. And I distinctly remember thinking at some point between leaving DC and getting to my destination, “Should I even be here?” You know when you’re about to travel, you’re typically thinking about things like what you’re going to watch on the plane, or what will you read or eat or even the actual things you will do when you get to your destination. But for whatever reason, I had to spend some time convincing myself that I truly was in the right place, for a time such as this. S/O to Esther and Mordecai mane (see Esther 4). And God really reminded me, that even in the times when we may not feel like we’re “ready”, God can still use us, as long as we are willing.
During one of my conversations with myself, New Wine by Hillsong played. I’d like to think it was God’s way of changing my mindset. It also could’ve just been a really good day for my Spotify playlist. The choice is yours.
Have you heard it? The chorus says:
Make me a vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
I came here with nothing
but all You have given me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me
I love this song for many reasons, one: “Make me a vessel”? hello?! Yes! Sign me up! But also because: This became my prayer. It no longer was important that I felt the way I did because God has used people in all their mess, for His glory. I did not have to be in a PERFECT position, or at least my idea of what that means, for God to use me while I was on that trip. What I needed to do was be open, be attentive, and to trust in my Heavenly Father because He knows best. And as I continued to pray that, and eventually lead/share a devotional about being open and in position to be used by Him, I literally experienced it. And when I realized it was happening, I began to be more specific in how I wanted to be used by Him, and I remember one of the days sitting down with my girls and thinking to myself, “This is it. My answered prayer.” And I remember just being so in awe of God and how he never fails to fulfill your needs.
Remember a few things:
God loves you. He hears you and He sees you. He knows exactly what you need even before you tell Him.
If you want to be used by God, you have to be open to doing whatever He wants you to do and trust that He will carry you through it. An act of surrender.
When you do this, you’re completing a task by faith.
When you partner with God, just know the end result will always be far better than what you could’ve imagined yourself.
When you show God you can be trusted, He will begin to bring new opportunities to you.
Someone somewhere is waiting for you to act on your “yes”.
This year, I plan on continuing to be open to being used by God. What I’ve learned is that there are many opportunities in our day to do so, some may appear bigger than others, but if we are not looking at life through that lens, then we will often miss opportunities. Consider asking God every day, “How will you use me today?” A simple question, but it raises your awareness.
If you’ve been following me since Day 1, you’ll know that this blog was created because I want people to know no matter where they are in life, they’re never “too far gone”. And I’ve always wanted to show people what I’ve learned/experienced as He is forming me into a vessel fit for the Master’s use (see 2 Timothy 2:21). So let this be your reminder that you may be broken, but you’re not tainted. God can use you for His glory. I pray this challenges you, even just a bit, to consider how open you are to being used by God. And if you desire to be used by Him, but not quite sure how that would look for you, let’s chat.
Much love always,
Kumam 💛
BTW, this is one post of a few posts about SA, because I haven’t even done an official recap! Coming in February!