Not Feeling Good

Something I struggle with in my walk is feeling like there’s eyes everywhere. I feel like someone is always watching, not really sure of their motives, but I always know someone’s paying attention. I always put pressure on myself when it comes to my walk. Growing up I thought when you accepted Jesus, you suddenly became perfect and had it all together. All the Christians around me seemed to me like they were, so I thought it was always hallelujahs, kumbayas, and Kim Walker mid-song laughter all the time. It wasn’t until I started taking my relationship with God seriously that I realized if anyone is making it seem as though this journey with Jesus is anything close to perfect they’re simply selling you a dream.

Back to the eyes…when you are public with your faith, people see and begin to take note of what you do. For me, it adds pressure. I begin to think that I can’t show any weakness or stumble in any way because then they’ll think this Jesus thing isn’t worth it. But I’m slowly beginning to fully internalize the fact that it’s in our weaknesses and our mistakes that God’s glory really comes to light. 

Our relationship isn’t always easy. Things will go left sometimes, trials will come, this walk is not rainbows and sunshine everywhere you go and that is okay. That’s part of it. You will cry, you will lose things, you will have wilderness periods, it will sometimes feel like it’s too much, you will sometimes feel like you’re not enough but those are important moments. These are the kinds of things that shape your path, giving you what you need to help fulfill your purpose. And a great thing about it is that these moments don’t last forever, thank God, and an even greater thing about it is that joy and strength always come at the end. He will never leave you empty handed.

When those hard times come, don’t be silent about it. Remember your life is your ministry? Show people how God has used you for his glory and talk about these things so you will find the support that you need in these hard times. God doesn’t need you to be perfect. And making it seem like you are would be an injustice to Him and His glory. 

If you know people are watching, show them what your God can do.

Much love always,

Kumam 💞